handful of love; more than you know.

Went out for a jog just now and seriously, I FEEL BLOODY FAT. Not pudgy, sluggish or whatsoever but FAT.

I think today was good, not productive but good nonetheless. I had a nice session with God after school. Lately, i've been feeling a little guilty because usually i feel a little reluctant to leave the Room but i'll still drag myself away from the place on the account that i should get home to study - which i never seem to do. Okay, before i digress; the guilt comes from the fact that i think, really now, nothing should be an excuse to pull yourself away from time with God, nothing should be more important than God. So shuyun, next time, dont give in to the rational mind ! Hahaha.


Had a talk with Amantha and i guess i pretty much spoke to myself again for certain issues. Things like the "what ifs", the "expectations" and "looking back". Yup, no matter, God will watch me though every love and every pain. And from everything, i dare say i gained something, a memory, a learning point, a realization, a stepping stone.

Even during my secondary school days till now. Handful of love; i believe i have found. Amantha, you are one, then Kaelyn's another. Esther and Johann. And because of Jo i've gained so much more than what i could have gotten. This handful of love is worth so much to me.

And i meant what i said, this love, i'll do my best to keep; until the day it slips away, whether you would bother to do so too or not, would be a question you should ponder, not me any longer.

I've changed a lot, no longer the out of sight, out of mind kind of person, no longer the type who doesnt bother. I used to be more blunt, more frank, more brutal in my thoughts, in my treatment of people. I guess time and experiences indeed mellows people, it smoothen the edges and makes you try not to hurt people as much. I feel jaded sometimes and wonder why i do certain things for certain people. Now, i try not to be bothered by these incidents and hard as it may be, given my sponge-like personality. Nevertheless, i guess, i need to be more callous towards some people after all, when they come on with the aim to hurt.

Still, again i'll say, God has indeed been gracious to me; despite and yet because of everything that's happened. So thank you Daddy, for everything. (: